difficult

thin lips and eyes
to wind –
through marriage of wine
dancing moments
and kiss from hot wings

smooth like a fire
like a
stolen hag
belly rotten green and gray
and a wind passes through the centre


next to me sits heaven.
next to me sits hell.

confusion and dialect
run rampant discourse
through the ides
of my mind.
rythm beats time
through glass eyes,
the rind of a misbegot soul.

two secrets,
twp secrets and falling.

inner peace and outer beauty
out of the rabbit
hole of hopes and dreams and fears and farts and
tiny little men
that doze inside of my head.

envision the world for me
a bucket of ice that hits your sides
that being called shame
the frightful foe.

that that that
that that

and then the words won’t come out
 anymore.

this flock of signs that
rule the world
and yet, and yet, and yet, and yet,
you notice, you know, that there is
all but the fiercest moment
when you decide,
trusting instinct.
the world will follow.

imagine a man
perhaps his top hat
double suit
new shining-ish dandy

imagine a woman
beauty thorough
with teeth of gold
and silver and black
smiling to cure the .

wait.
wait.
 wait.

why cure?
why heal?
why forgive – finesse the sin?
this is the falacy of the world.
pull yourself to the centre.

in the center you will find the rythm.

the only goal of love is to kill
the broken blister
doubt and brown baguette.
a red tailed magic and fine boned teeth
align a wall of brown
and pale cream skin.

let not the eye which spawns the food
spring forth from the foreheads of demons.

there exists a truth.

music is sunlight
sunlight is rythm
sound from light and light from sound
the sound vibrates my body.
the light vibrates my soul.

and uns
turns into sun.

together and one
the warm place together.
open the big green door.
magic flute and play
me the song.
show me the light of the moon, oh m
an  oh man of six arms.

(updated)

// Essentially the split between reality and reality.

There is the reality you imagine you are in… and then the reality that really is. You are constantly constructing a false reality for yourself. (The fact that I call it a false reality is somewhat misleading. No matter how false it is, as long as it is real to you, then it remains a reality).

What truly goes on, if realized in a way that you could understand, would destroy your reality and create a new one. Humans are, after a certain age, more and more resistant to this rather personal destruction of a world they’ve long struggled to create. And so when presenting ideas to them, the best way to do it is through abstraction and fantasy.

You must lead them to these new realities by introducting new ideas in ways that do not hammer at them, but rather present themselves in ways that allow them to occur as if the subject has thought of them as his/her own.

It must, in essence, become “unreal.”

(see freud’s ideas of ‘the umlaut’)

When we seek, when we look inside ourselves to see… “this is what I think, this is what I feel” it is… painful! It is scary. Even when we truly wish to do it, still we shy away. There is something there that is so real; so blantantly in-your-face-real that it would shatter our realities without a doubt. Deep down we know this. We use terms like “facing the darkness within” or “descending into ourselves.” Some train themselves through meditation or what have you to look at it as “revealing” or “ascending” or “enlightenment.” But no matter the terms, it is essentially the same.

You are taking what is real and changing it to something else. You go through your reality to fantasy (or un-reality) which brings forth this reality again.

It is these moments of change – of mental shift – that I wish to incite/investigate/release/demand… call it what you will. I attempt to create these moments in all that I do.

What is the mood I seek? That is a fairly hard question. One might say, I seek the macabre. To disgust, shock, scare and horrify. But that would be untrue. The mood I seek is that of revelation. Of truth. My mental model of the world is based on what I consider irrefutable, sometimes harsh, truths. Truths that people do not want to admit to, but exist nonetheless. I like, admire, and seek to exemplify those works which dig at the so called “dirty” heart of humankind or indeed of life in general.

But, to do so is difficult. One cannot just say “such and such a thing is true” or “this is what you must believe.” People do not respond well to that sort of diatribe. You have to coax them, startle them, or somehow guide them along a path to an idea. You must force them to reveal the idea to themselves. Only then will they know it is true. Writers have been doing this since before we can remember. The world of literature has been exposing these truths time and time again. But in animation… it is rare that I see this happen. Sometimes it does. Don’t get me wrong. But not nearly as often.

And this is what I wish to do. Almost all of the stories I tell (written or digital) has dealt with something along this line. Though really, I don’t think of it in such terms. In my head, I usually think: “This is what I think and this is what I feel. Now how can I abstract it so that others may draw the same conclusions.”